Let Me get this Off My Chest

I’ve been struggling the past while to write a blog. If you’re curious it’s about egg white omelettes. You may think “Hey, that’s a pretty straight forward topic, just sit down and write it.” That should be the case, but every time I try to it doesn’t come out right. This blog is mainly about science, and those articles in particular about science I want to be logical scientific arguments. That article I’ve been trying to write has been personal to me because of my profession, and when something’s personal, it’s difficult to argue it logically. And I find that to be a problem sometimes, not just for myself (though for sure for my self) but for everyone.

If we think something is worth arguing about then obviously it is something we have personal feelings about and somehow in today’s world we have managed to take everything personally while not actually allowing our personalities out…Social media and the common majority has dictated to us what to think and anything staying from that thought is an attack on our beliefs. Everywhere we look we’re told big business is bad, racism and slavery is more prevalent now than ever and women are constantly suppressed by every man they come in contact with. We’re all force to believe that and conform to what is being shoved down our throats by the self proclaimed non-conformists. If anyone dares to express a different opinion they’re instantly branded as a bigot and shamed for not letting people be themselves and I wake up in the middle of the night choking on the irony. I’m not talking about people holding rallies preaching hate and intolerance. I’m talking about people who simply don’t think things are as dire and awful as social media makes them seem or that a particular aproach to solving a problem isn’t the best.

Social media has sat us in a train car with tunnel vision. We’re only allowed to look ahead at the path they’ve chosen for us and if anyone dare turn to look out the window they’re crucified in front of everyone. We all feel scared to really be our selves and form our own opinions on different issues, be them big or small. Celebrities we look up to dictate what is acceptable to think. Someone who may have had a sheltered life and feels unsure what to say or do around someone who is gay is automatically homophobic. Social justice crusaders force their opinions on the world. If a woman is a stay at home mom she is being enslaved by her husband and setting women’s rights back by a century. People who may have had a bad experience with one person, or a select group of people place the blame on everyone who may share one characteristic with those who wronged them. If a black man isn’t hired for a job it’s  simply racism and employers or forced by laws to be different.

I said any argument is a personal one, and this is no different for me. I’m not an intolerant person. I don’t care what colour your skin is, who you love, what body parts you have or what body parts you want. What I’m going to judge you on is how you conduct your self. Everyone deserves equal treatment however that does not mean everyone has to right to do or act any way they feel. The problem is that while to me, this is a perfectly acceptable philosophy, and one that a lot of people probably share, I’m not allowed to express it. Because I don’t agree with a lot of people on what counts as bigotry, or I don’t think that people should be given special attention because of what’s been done by other people in other times, I have to often bottle up my opinions, or spend a long time thinking of how exactly to word them so as not to offend people.

I shouldn’t have to censor my self, and I shouldn’t feel afraid of what other people are going to say. I shouldn’t feel like I need everyone to see that I’m a good person who supports equal rights and want everyone to like me for that…yet I still do. And I think we all live in this bottle, scared to leave and face reality. So instead we all sit inside of it agreeing with each other, not expressing our selves and letting a select few decide what is right and what is wrong. I’m tired of that. It’s draining and frustrating. So I’m breaking my bottle. I’m going to express my own opinions on most of the touchy sensitive subjects and if you read this and get offended, deal with it. Frankly, if a friend reads this and decides they don’t want to be my friend anymore because of it, I can live with that, I don’t really want to be friends with someone who will suppress another’s opinion anyways. If you disagree with me, but decide that you are willing to actually respect my opinion, then contact me, we can talk about it and hopefully help each other grow as human beings.

Feminism by definition is equal rights for all regardless of gender. It does not, nor has it ever meant that women should be put on a pedestal or that men should be blamed for the worlds problems. Terms like “mansplaining”, or “masculinity is fragile” are used to put down men and blame them or insinuate that they are misogynists but are no different than terms like “resting bitch face” or “Pissy Mood Syndrome”. They’re meant to be jokes and poke fun at others, but you can’t complain about men using them against women then turn around and do the same. Some men are misogynists, no doubt. There are a lot of men out there who think they are better than women, that women should have no right and only exist to serve their man. That is wrong. 100% wrong and any actions taken with that philosophy as motivation should be condemned. However, by turning it round and putting blanket terms over all men or making fun of them you’re setting everyone back because it grows animosity and spreads misandry. It also has to be recognized that men and women are biologically different. We are not equal and there has  been a double standard set where women must be treated as equals to men in every way, yet at the same time have a different standard to reach that equality.

Many people will argue “It’s because the male dominated society puts women down so they need advantages to reach the same place” and to you I say, shut up, this is my rant. Also, that’s not what I’m talking about. What I’m talking about is everyone being equal vs. everyone being given equal opportunity. And this also applied to all other arguments of equality. I remember hearing complains once upon a time that there were a lot of careers dominated by men, specifically which had to do with physicality. Things such as police officers or fire fighters. Let me say I appreciate every single one of these people who put their lives on the line for others and are willing to work that hard and stay honest while doing it. Often times these careers are understaffed and anyone willing to do it are welcome. But, in the cases where there is not a staff shortage total equality can be a set back. I always think that regardless of the job the best candidate should get it. And in the case of physicality, men have a huge natural advantage are are thus better suited to these jobs. That isn’t to say that if a women can match or outdo a man going for the same position she shouldn’t get it, but this is what I mean by equal opportunity. Let anyone have the opportunity to get the job, but especially in a case where people’s lives are on the line, if it happens that a man can chase down a dangerous suspect, or carry a victim out of a burning house more efficiently and quickly then they are the ones who should be doing it.

This extends the other way too though. Even mentally speaking there are some things women are more naturally inclined at and so are men. This is because there are distinct differences in size of parts of the brain based on biological sex which result in different subjects (such as languages, math or spacial reasoning) being better suited for one or the other. So if a job involves something women are better suited for than I would expect and hope to find more women in that sector because they would on average do a better job than a male in the same position. I got in an argument with someone a couple years ago when Prime Minister Trudeau announced his cabinet would be composed of half men and half women.

Most people saw this as a great triumph of gender equality and praised him for it. To me it was simply a media stunt. I frankly do not care about the gender of the cabinet ministers. They could be all male, all female or completely transgender. What matters to me is who is the best suited to be one of the highest officials in our country. And to that extent, my problem is not with who he picked. Really I don’t pay close enough attention or look into these people enough to be able to tell you who is best suited. My problem was that he made the decision ahead of time. What if the first 29 ministers were chosen. There were 15 women and 14 men. That last position would automatically go to man. Even if there was a woman far more qualified for the job she would have to be passed up simply because of her sex. Does that sound right? Usually when I talk about this people assume the opposite scenario and that I’m just upset that a man would have been passed up because of his sex, but I find I get a different reaction when I put it in these terms. While preaching that employers shouldn’t turn down women the leader of our country was celebrated around the world for openly being a hypocrite.

This double standard doesn’t only exist in gender roles though, racial difference are another huge touchy subject that no one is allowed to speak against for fear of being called racist. But I’m going to say it and piss people off anyways. Pop culture and specifically the hip hop industry has created a terrible and self detrimental stereotype of it’s own people. While there are fans of every race and creed, it’s fair to say that the largest group of supporters are black. So I’m going to say this to everyone who lives the hip hop lifestyle regardless of the melanin levels in your body that the mainstream and most popular music and media coming from this industry promotes racism bigotry and animosity between races. Whether you are black, part black, have black family or friends or just in general support equal rights, stop supporting this crap! When hip hop started it came from personal experiences and told the story of black people who were wrongfully persecuted and had actual struggles in life. Many of them turned to gangs and drugs out of necessity but used the creative mediums to get out of that and find a better path. It was a voice for the voiceless and did a lot to raise awareness and make a change happen. However that has largely turned into belittling others if they have found a better path. There’s this innate sense now that if you aren’t a thug or a criminal there’s something wrong. Kids are encouraged to join gangs, rob, rape and murder. They’re telling everyone to hate white people and cops. They dictate a mentality which feeds a cycle of all this. Instead of being pushed to eliminate crime from their neighborhoods people are told that snitches get stitches while those artists trying to do good get marginalized and pushed out of the spotlight. Eliminate the crime and fear and everyone will have a more prosperous life. Stop behaving like the stereotype you’re being treated as or using the words you find offensive and maybe the way others view you will change. I don’t dislike you based on your skin colour, I dislike you because of the ignorant, annoying and disrespectful way you’re acting.

I can say the exact same thing for the queer group (and I’m only using that term because it was originally made to encompass all the various. If you fit into something else I’m not excluding you because you’re different. I’m excluding you because I don’t know or even care to list off every single possible term and there would be a shit storm if one of them was accidentally left out). I don’t care if you’re a guy who likes guys. I care if you speak in an annoying over exaggerate tone or babble on about stupid meaningless crap like what shoes Kim Kardashian was wearing. People think it bothers me when a man talks like a woman. It doesn’t, it bothers me when anyone speaks or acts like that.

But you can’t bring up gay rights without mentioning the pride parade. Yet another example of something perpetuating negative stereotypes but has been put on an untouchable pedestal while being celebrated and used to put others down. If you’re gay, you should be proud. You shouldn’t use awkward speech to avoid saying it and you shouldn’t be afraid to tell anyone, especially your friends and family. But speaking honestly and frankly, I don’t need it shoved down my throat (lol, gay joke). I don’t think a parade is needed, but it’s easy to argue the same about the Santa Clause parade, so that’s fair. My problem with it is the fact that it pretty much makes a joke out of homosexuality. If you want to be proud and tell everyone that is fantastic. But have some self respect while doing it. It doesn’t need to turn you into the stereotypes which get called offensive on TV or involve the costumes you wear with your partners in bed or any kind of nudity for that matter. (While I do think we as a culture put too much importance on nudity and privacy, that argument had nothing to do with gay rights.) Acting like that any other time would be totally unacceptable and the only reason it’s tolerated at this time is because anyone who speaks out against it is chastised as a homophobe (or if we want to include Carabana, a racist). Oh, and the police not being allowed at Toronto’s pride parade? Fuck you! If you want to have a public celebration, on public streets and get public funding, then the public has a right to safety and security. They are not there for the parade, they are there in case something happens at the parade, possible something that’s carried out because of hate for homosexuals. Get off your high horses and stop spreading the hate you fight against.

I have so much more to rant about, but I’m sure very few if any of the already small number of people who started reading this are still with me. But I had to say all of this. It’s been bugging me to the point of stress. I keep seeing friends posting stuff about equality and it drives me mad. Sure, I’ve had a lot of privileges in my life. And yes, being a straight white male takes a lot of adversity out of my life. But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t had problems, and it doesn’t mean that people who aren’t straight white males are slaves and peasants. We all have struggles and we all have advantages. It’s what we do with what we have which defines us as people. If anyone is still here I encourage you to stand up for your self and say what you really think. Disagreeing with the exact thoughts of someone else does not make you a bigot. Disliking, hating or being violent to someone simply because of their sexuality, race or gender does. When ever you meet someone new, imagine them as nothing more than a simple generic stick figure. Judge them then based on how they speak, how they conduct themselves and what they think. And for those who fight for equal rights remember that equality is not always a completely balanced scenario. Different people are more naturally inclined to do different things and that is okay. If someone has an opportunity and chooses to decline it, that’s okay too. But most of all remember that just like there are different genders, races and sexual orientations, there are different opinions and everyone is entitled to think what they think. There is more than one way to accomplish the same goal and most of those paths don’t have to involve trampling other people to get there.

Stop segregating our selves. It’s happened enough in the past and we’re all tired of it. If we can stop worrying about what we identify as and just worry about being happy with who we are then all these problems will quickly dry up. We will never live in a perfect world, there will always be xenophobes to try and bring it all down, but that isn’t a reason to perpetuate animosity between those who want the same goal.

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6 thoughts on “Let Me get this Off My Chest

  1. A bit rambling Matt, but I get what you’re saying and agree with you. (A little editing and proofreading would go along way, coming from a T.A. LOL) Good for you to state what you believe in. Keep doing what you know in your heart is the right thing to do. Treat yourself and those around you with respect and that respect will spread. Maybe one day we won’t need parades and specific types of music etc to get our messages across. Maybe we’ll just “be” , and all live together as we should. As the HUMAN race and nothing else.😘

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  2. Hi,
    While I think it’s fantastic to express your opinion let me touch on just one topic of your rant. Feminism.
    Your definition is correct, but I think your confusing the medias definition of feminists or feminist extremists with actual feminists.
    What I don’t think you realize is feminists don’t glorify women and think men are scum, feminists fight for human rights…
    The feminist movement all started because women (like it or not) are and weren’t treated equally…

    Women still face issues everyday with sexual harassment, job opportunities being not as available to them if they have a family, benevolent sexism, how they are portrayed in the media, slut shaming, etc..
    Modern feminism does not souly focus on women anymore, they focus on social equality for all…

    the media shows as feminists (loud, man hating, burn their bra and panties) whereas real feminists want equal rights for all men and women, and ARENT JUST WOMEN as everyone portrays them to be.

    although you are correct that men and women are PHYSICALLY different, we are all humans and all face inequality issues. Feminists are trying to bridge the gap so that everyone has an equal opportunity for work, sexuality and sexual pleasure, domestic equality, salary equality, the right to not have benevolent sexism crammed in our
    Face everyday…. there are a lot of issues to work on, and rejecting a whole movement (feminism) because of what the media and ignorant people who don’t understand the movement portray is just ridiculous…

    Feminist intentions aren’t to separate men and women or portray one as better than the other. They are just fighting for everyone to have their basic human rights be respected without discrimination due to gender.
    And if you can’t see that, then you have this movement all wrong and should educate yourself a little better….

    http://geekfeminism.wikia.com/wiki/Feminism_101

    Id gladly touch on your other topics but I think this one is widely misunderstood, from someone who doesn’t fully understand feminism…

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  3. Ps. Not attacking you, just stating my opinion (which is mostly factual).
    I believe that feminism gets a
    Bad wrap and you seem like the type who loves to learn, so please educate yourself on the wonderful movement that is FEMINISM. Enjoy, and tell your friends (and family, and S.O, etc….)!!!!

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  4. PSS super brave or you to express such opinions even if they are controversial to some. (No sarcasm, I swear). Great job, keep up the blog!
    Again, sorry if I offended you. Wasn’t my intention..

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    1. Lol, no worries at all, this is exactly what I mean about actually talking about these issues. I’m sorry if it came across the wrong way, but you are absolutely right. I don’t mean to make it seem like ALL feminists are like this, but there are many for sure and they are the ones who get most of the media attention. Organizations like heforshe are fantastic and really embody what it SHOULD be. Sadly because of all the media attention animosity is built up from men who feel attacked, and young women and girls see it and think that’s what feminism means.

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